No one ever told me

As I was exploring around Instagram, I came across this post by @fourthtrimestercollective and it rang so true for me!

I became a mom a little under 4 years ago and then a mom of two 19 months ago. When I became pregnant with my first baby, I heard a variety of things. I heard it was going to be so wonderful. I would be so in love. I heard it would be hard and a lot of work. I heard to say goodbye to sleep and to expect to be a walking zombie. I heard that it would be the most challenging, best thing ever! But no one ever told me that I was going to meet someone new…and it would be me. 

Not only was there a different body staring back at me in the mirror, but my emotions, my thoughts, my reactions, things that would have never bothered me or I wouldn’t have paid mind to, were now an issue for me.

I’ve never been someone who cares or is affected by what others think. I’ve actually always done very well with that, but all of the sudden, especially as my kids get older, I feel like all eyes are on me. That I’m being judged with how I parent, how I discipline, what I feed them, how I’m doing with bedtime, whether I let them eat candy, what I do when they have a tantrum….UGH! It’s so stressful. And more than just stressful, I feel hurt by it. 

Although, I don’t really know if I am being judged….it could all be in my head or maybe I’m actually being judged….

The thoughts and worries that I have now are sooo different from the ones I had pre-little ones. I have thoughts of something happening to them, where I can create a whole scenario in my mind and then I’m in anxiety town trying to come back to the present. I get more anxious now as a mom than I ever did before. 

Oh and don’t get me started on my reactions! I have never known anger, like mom anger! I have the cutest, sweetest kids, who I love more than life it self but oh man can I get mad! I get triggered like I have never been triggered before. 

Motherhood changes us and not just the things that I mentioned above but it physically changes our BRAINS. Brain scans of new moms before and after pregnancy show significant gray matter changes in the regions of the brain that are associated with social cognition and theory of mind. These are the same regions that are activated when women look at pictures of their babies. These areas of the brain have to do with attachment and helps us think about what is going on in someone else’s mind. Researchers think that these changes in the brain help us to adapt to motherhood and respond to our babies needs. After becoming a mom our priorities change, we have different tasks to tackle and different cognitive and adaptive problems to solve, so our brains change. 

As moms we don’t hear a lot about the neurobiological changes we face even though 1 in 5 woman will develop postpartum mood disorders at some point after giving birth. Researchers can’t yet say if postpartum mood disorders are a result of something gone wrong with the typical changes that a mother’s brain goes though or if it is caused by something else being triggered in the brain. But it begs the question, should we talk more about the physical changes our brains go through? I think so! I think it would help moms feel more comfortable coming forward and talking about all the emotional changes they are experiencing. It becomes more about a physical change than the shame of “something is wrong with me.”

If our brains are physically different after birth, how are we not going to be someone different after birth? 

Motherhood has turned me into someone new.  I’m still learning to adjust to this new me. And it’s not all bad. I’ve learned to love more, I’ve learned to be shame resilient, I’ve learned my triggers, and I’m learning to be patient.

On the hard days, I sometimes don’t like her very much but there are many, many good days and I’m starting to really dig her.

What about you mamas? Did you meet a new version of you when you became a mom? What are you struggling with the most?